Botswana - This trip to Southern Africa was to be a fairly epic one. One that would involve a lot of driving, and also requires us to camp. Allison and I have a strange history with camping, some might even say that our first date was a camping trip, we spent a week in New Hampshire Mountains (and yes she tried to kill me there too). The interesting thing about our relationship with camping is that we both don't really like it. The thing about camping that appeals to us is that it's often the cheapest method, and it often allows us to make our own food. Being cheap and cooking are two of our prerequisites for any trip. Almost everything else about camping is pretty horrible.
Africa has many different levels of tent, there's the chalet style tent, that's pretty much a house but with canvas walls, often air conditioned and all of the amenities. There's the Safari tent experience, this looks more like a tent, has few doors, and often the showers or toilets are outside, yet still part of the same building. There are the military tents, these are just a large canvas tent, for those that don't have their own. You can stand up in it, and there's often electricity, but nothing much more. If you're looking to re-enact your favourite episode of MASH, this is the tent for you. Finally there's the campsite, which is basically a plot of dirt, often near the parking lot, with nothing to offer.
On this trip we experienced all but the chalet style of tent. The Safari tent we had was only for one night, and our longest period camping was in a military tent. We also experienced tents in a descending order of quality. We started in a Safari tent, full of hope for the future. Then we went down to a military tent, in a part of the world that is known greatly for malaria. I can't say for sure if this was another attempt on my life, but I can say that I was counting my mosquito bites, and worrying. I learned on this portion of the trip that covering yourself in insect repellent before going to the bathroom is a good idea. Mosquitoes go for the unguarded parts of your body, and hovering them over a bowl of stagnant water doesn't help.
While my fear of malaria lingers to this day (it can take more than a year to actually show symptoms), this was not the part of the trip where Allison truly tried to kill me. The attempt on my life happened in the town of Maune, where we had a safari adventure booked for our one full day. We thought since we were going to be out on our adventure most of the day that this would be the perfect place to get a campsite (bring your own tent). We found a little place outside of the city right next to the local river. We pulled into the place after crossing a fairly sketchy sand road littered with donkeys. At first I was fairly happy with the place, it had a huge gate and fences all around it so lions, elephants or donkeys were not getting in. There was an outdoor restaurant, and lots of people frolicking about. There was even a beach next to the river, for swimming?.
When we signed into the campsite we were told all about the amenities, and about the safari we were taking the next day. We were told to conserve the water, about the free wifi at the restaurant, and... oh yeah, don't go near the water because it's infested with man eating crocodiles and hippos. Suddenly that nice path to the beach turned into easy access for two of the most deadly creatures in Africa (stats say that hippos kill more people than any other animal in Africa). The good news is we didn't have to worry about the crocodiles and hippos climbing up the beach to stomp/eat us because the campsite was at the other end of the grounds. These animals would have to pass the restaurant, showers, parking lot and safari tents before they could get to us... right?
Nope, for some reason Allison managed to convince me that the best place to set up the tent was under this large tree, a large tree found right next to the lake. You know the lake, the one infested with crocodiles and hippos. The entire campsite was surrounded by walls and Safari tents, except for one small part, just big enough for our tent. For some reason, I must have blacked out when we made the decision to set up our tent right next to the water, because there we were right next to the many animals that wanted to kill me.
Allison will claim that there was a fence between us and the water. I would then argue that the fence was about 1 and a half feet tall and made of random bits of wood. Allison would also claim that there were much easier targets such as locals hanging around the lake on the other side of the river as well as cows grazing near by. I would then argue that those people and cows went home at night leaving just us. Somehow I managed to forget about this hippo and crocodile problem until about 1 am on our first night. I remember hearing a noise, and wondering what it could be. I thought it might be a bird, or maybe a local teenager heading home after the party that was going on late into the evening. Then a thought popped in my head, maybe it's one of the two most deadly creatures in all of Africa, you know the ones that are less than 5 feet from my head.
Needless to say it wasn't a restful sleep that night.
Later